Same Thing, Only Better Please
by boshrocks
Summary: A series of outtakes from some of the Harry Potter films. They´re in random order and when I think of more I will add more. Reviews are always appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

Walking down some steps

(Film 3)

Take one: As the trio descends the steps to care of magical creatures…Dan slips and bumps into Rupert and Emma. Golden trio sandwich tumbles down steps.

Emma: Fk!

Dan: Ooh! Emma said a naughty word!

Director: Cut! Let's try another one shall we? And Dan, try not to trip, ok?

Take nine: Rupert is obviously checking out Emma's ass.

Director: Rupert! Stop staring at Emma's butt!

Rupert: Heh! Sorry! (Uneasy laugh)

Dan: When's lunch?

Emma: You just had it.

Emma turns and slaps Rupert round the face for staring at her ass.

Rupert: Okay, who gave Emma her cranky pills today?

Unsurprisingly she slaps him again.

Director: Cut! (Snorts with laughter)

Take twelve: This time they dance down the steps.

Director: Cut! Who hired these kids? They're hopeless! Can we please get it right? How hard can it be? You're only walking down some steps!

Director gets up to demonstrate … and promptly falls down them. He gets up quickly and attempts to fix his facial expression into a "Nothing Happened" guise. Rather unsuccessfully. Trio point and laugh at him.

Director: Shut up you mangy kids! Look forget it, we'll forget this scene and put the silly little bluebird in.

Rupert: Not the bloody bluebird again!

Dan, Emma and Rupert share a look and then speak together.

Dan/Emma/Rupert: No! We'll be good! We'll do it properly! Just don't put the bluebird in!

Producer: (whispered to director) I knew that would work.

Director: Stop taking MY credit! It was MY idea!

Producer: And no one likes the bluebird anyway!

Director: They don't?

Producer: No. You cut out all of the Marauders story and replaced it with a bluebird flying through the school. The thing with Sirius and Lupin makes no sense now. Only fans of the books would know the history of the Marauders.

Director: But only fans of the books go to see the films. Besides almost the whole world is a fan of the Harry Potter series. Anyway I'm not taking the bluebird out.

Producer: I don't know which is worse…talking to the children or talking to the director. They're as bad as each other!

Director/Dan/Emma/Rupert: I heard that!

Chased by Basilisk

Film 2

Take one: Dan is running through chamber, trips…

Dan: OW! Owwies! Ow! Ow!

Director: Cut! Someone get him a matt to fall on. Same thing only better please.

Take two: Dan falls again, this time onto a matt. He starts crying nevertheless.

Director: Cut! (hands Dan some chocolate)

Dan grins then gets up and does it perfectly, unfortunately visual effects have to remove the smudge of chocolate from his chin, although they miss one which only just passes as a bit of dirt.

Director: See, I told you chocolate solves everything…and that it works on boys as well as being a girls biggest weakness.

Harry meets Ginny 

Film 2

Take one: Bonnie rushes down the stairs and slips on the bottom one.

Bonnie: (Whispered) Ow!

She gets up smiling but none of them can continue due to laughter.

Take two: Bonnie gets down the stairs without falling and does the surprised stare at Dan. They hold it for a moment and then crack up with giggles before he can say his line.

Ten takes later they manage to do the scene without screwing up.

Hermione hugs Harry

Film 2

Take one: As Emma runs between the tables she trips over an extra's foot.

Extra: Oh my god! I'm so sorry!

Emma just laughs from the floor as the extras help her up.

Director: Same thing only better please.

Take two: Emma completes her little run…but knocks into Dan with too much force. He falls backwards and she falls on him. Both get the giggles as Rupert roars with laughter before hauling them to their feet, still chuckling.

Take three: This time when she hugs him they impact with a little less force but they still manage to fall sideways onto the table sending fake food and goblets of orange squash (pumpkin juice) flying, making those hit by the juice scream.

Director: Cut!

Harry hugs Hagrid

Film 2

Take one: When Dan got up to hug Robbie he pushed him backwards and Robbie, unsteady on his stilts, fell straight onto the next table. Extras scream and dive out of the way, just in time. Dan looks up sheepishly.

Dan: Umm…timber? (Trying to make light of it)

Director: Same thing only better please.

Stuntmen are seen hauling Robbie back onto his feet.

Sirius closes door

Film 3

Take one: When Gary swings the door closed in the Shrieking Shack…it bounces back and hits him in the face. Like a true professional he closes it again. And then he has to do it again because it has hit him in the face again.

Gary: Fing Hell! Will someone please fix this bldy door because it clearly doesn't like me! And whose idea was it to put the house on hydrolics so that it MOVES? That's what's making the door misbehave. You hear that door? You're a bldy pain in the arse! (Starts shouting at the door for it's misbehaviour. Door chooses not to respond at this time.)

It is not until twelve takes later that the door realises that poor Gary has suffered enough and decides that it will do it properly.

Dumbledore's Dementor speech

Film 3

Take one: Turning off/on lights bit. Michael swishes hand over candle and then again…and again…and again…and again.

Michael: Hey! This is fun! I haven't done this in years!

He continues, laughing like a little boy.

Director: You'd never think this was Sir Michael Gambon, would you? He's as bad as the kids.

Harry falls out of flying car

Film 2

Take one: Dan, Rupert and Pongo the neater car are against the ugly green screen. Dan is hanging out of car door. Cue annoying Nokia ring tune. Dan takes phone from pocket and answers it.

Dan: Hello? Oh hi Emma. You've caught me at a bad time, can I call you back? Yes I know every time to talk to me is a good time but I'm in the middle of a scene. Not the best time for a call from anyone. (sigh) Okay, what's this big news that can't wait? He didn't! Not again! I hope you told him to sod off. Good girl. If he asks again then I'll sort him out. Don't worry 'bout him. He's an idiot anyway. We'll talk later. Come to my dressing room after filming and we'll discuss it. Yes I'll bring Rupert. Okay, bye.

Hangs up phone. Replaces it in pocket.

Rupert: What was that all about?

Dan: Tom asked Emma out again.

Rupert: And you said you'd sort him out?

Dan: Yeah, so?

Rupert laughs briefly.

Dan: What?

Rupert: He's bigger than you.

Dan: Not by much.

Dan takes both hands off car and flexes his tiny biceps.

Rupert considers him for a moment.

Rupert: You've got as much chance of beating Tom up as you have at beating him in tennis.

Dan: So you think I have a chance.

Rupert: No, Dan. You have no chance whatsoever.

Dan crosses his arms and pouts, making Rupert laugh. And he's not the only one.

Director: (Through laughter, barley able to get word out.) Cut!

Knocking Crystal ball off desk

Film 3

Take one: Hermione storming out of divination knocks ball off desk. The first time Emma does it, it smashes as it hits floor. Trio laugh.

Dan: Someone call the props guys!

Rupert laughs even more.

Take two: Emma hits the new ball with her knuckles and cannot continue since she is hopping around shaking the pain out of her hand. The ball has not moved.

Take three: This time the ball lands heavily in Rupert's lap. He yelps as it lands in a delicate area. Dan promptly falls off his chair with laughter.

Rupert: Shut up, man!

Dan does not stop laughing so Rupert shifts the heavy ball onto Dan's stomach. Dan releases a squeak of surprise.

Director: (chuckling) Cut! Cut!

No one is listening so Director shouts it through a megaphone the second time round. Cast and crew drop to ground, dropping all they're holding, as megaphone emits high pitched beep, as they tend to do when someone shouts through it.

Director: Same thing only better please! And any broken equipment is coming out of the culprit's wages…so for god's sake be careful!


	2. Chapter 2

Finding the timeturner

(Film 3)

Take one: When Emma reaches into her jumper to pull out the necklace with the timeturner on she can't find it. She fishes around and tries desperately to find it and stay in character but is unable and eventually pulls the neck of her jumper open to look down it to find it. Dan tries to look down her top too. She slaps him. Rupert can be heard laughing from somewhere in the background.

Emma: You guys, this isn't funny, I can't find it.

Dan: Here, why don't you let me help you find it?

Emma: Bugger off, Daniel. You are not looking down my top again.

The propmaster opens his hand and sees the timeturner. Blushes and looks sheepish.

Bauxbatons entrance

(Film 4)

Take one: The girls skip up the aisle between the tables. One of them trips and she knocks over the other girls. They fall to the ground and onto the Hogwarts extras.

First girl who fell: Okay, that was embarrassing.

Bauxbatons cheerleaders

(Film 4)

Take six: Every time the Bauxbatons girls have to do their cheerleading chant at the third task they get it wrong and they cannot seem to get it right.

Director: Can't these stupid girls do anything right?

Hugging Harry

(Film 4)

Take one: Emma throws herself on Dan…and knocks him over. He is lying there with her lying on top of him and they both start laughing.

Dan: Must we always do this when you have to hug me? Every time you have to hug me on screen you knock me over.

Emma: I'm sorry Dan. I don't know why I do it.

Dan: I know why. You love me. That's why you're so enthusiastic about hugging me.

Emma: Have you been taking those pills again?

Director: Cut!

Three takes later they manage to get it right and hug without falling over.

Buckbeak and Harry over lake

(Film 3)

Take four: When Dan takes his arms off the animatronic Buckbeak for the 'I'm in top of the world' shot he suddenly bursts into song… and very out of tune too.

Dan: Near, far, whereeeeeever you are…

Crew laugh.

Director: (Laughing) Cut! Same thing only- wait scratch that…just do it properly.

Snape takes over Lupin's class

(Film 3)

Take one: Alan sweeps into the classroom and up between the desks. He does it perfectly but fails to notice that one lingering foot in the aisle…

Alan: (as he falls) Argh! Oh bloody hell! What idiot left his foot there?

Kids look as innocent as they can although it is perfectly clear that they so are not.

Director: Cut! Do it again.

Punching Malfoy

(Film 3)

Take one: When Emma turns and punches Tom, she doesn't make contact with him. He is surprised and fails to act like he was punched.

Tom: Why didn't you just hit me?

Emma: I can't hit you.

Tom: Whatever…wimp.

Emma's eyes flash and he trembles slightly. Now he knows she will hit him.

Take two: This time she does go all the way, but misses him because at the last second he wimped out and ducked so she punched the wooden stone. Her knuckles crack.

Emma: Ow! You foul, loathsome, evil, little cockroach!

Rupert: (whispered to Dan) This is frightfully good casting. First with the essay thing and now she's actually turned into her character.

Take five: This time he manages to stay in place while she punches him.

Whomping willow

(Film 3)

Take one: First hit from willow when Emma and Dan land on the grass Emma clutches her belly.

Emma: Clearly whoever designed this shot didn't want me to be capable of having kids.

Director: Same thing only better please.

Fortuna Major

(Film 3)

Take one: Devon runs up stairs to the blue screen portrait that is supposed to be the fat lady…and trips up. He gets up laughing and Rupert and Dan haul him back to his feet.

Take two: Again he trips.

Take three: And again…

Take four: And again…

Take seven: And again…

Devon: Okay, this is getting ridiculous!


	3. Chapter 3

Elf problems

(Film 2) this one stretches the reality a bit but just go with it

Take one: Dobby visits Harry in his bedroom (Mind out of the gutter people!) they get halfway through the scene and then dobby spots a poster of Orlando Bloom as Legolas on the opposite wall. He stops his warning abruptly before hopping around the room and tearing poster off the wall.

Dobby: Where the hell is JK Rowling!

JK Rowling appears and gives him a questioning look.

Dobby: Okay…if he's an elf…and I'm an elf…why the hell don't I look like him!

JK: It's called artistic license.

Dobby: I'm going to my trailer!

Minces off.

Wrong plot

(Film 2)

Take one: Alan is scolding Dan and Rupert for flying the car. Enter Richard and Maggie.

Dan: Gandalf?

Rupert bursts into giggles. Alan, Maggie and David try not to laugh. Richard looks confused until he understands and laughs.

Dan: Sorry, couldn't resist.

Director: Cut! Same thing only better please. And, Dan…get your bloody plotlines straight!

Sword

(Film 2)

Take one: Richard hands Dan the sword in his office after insisting he take a look at it. Dan looks at it for a moment before looking straight into the camera.

Dan: Made in China?

Richard: China? Really? That's not right.

Dan: It's what it says.

Director: Cut! Ignore that, Dan. Try and do it properly.

Take two: This time Dan tries to do it properly…but is unable due to the fact that he cracks up when he sees the Made in China label near the hilt of the sword. He fights to keep his face straight but is miserably unable.

It is not until three takes later of him cracking up that the director insists they remove the Made in China label. Stupid director.

Myrtle's bathroom

(Film 2)

Take one: The trio are in the bathroom brewing the potion. When Myrtle goes to shout at Rupert he backs against the stalls…which then domino topple over…the end one knocks against the wall…which then collapses and brings all the other walls and stalls crashing down on the trio.

Dan's voice from somewhere under the cardboard and wood: How did I know that would happen?

Emma, Likewise: Well done Rupert! You set a new on set record. Most actors wait until the third take to destroy the set. We can't even finish a scene around here without being buried. And there's something sticky on my face…oh god it's the potion!

Rupert: I'm sorry. I thought they would at least be real. I never expected them to fall over like that.

Somewhere under the rubble Dan laughs.

Running up some steps 2

(Film 4)

Take one: Dan runs up the steps to the owlery to ask Cho out…and slips.

Take two: Again he falls.

Dan: Okay, who put real snow on the steps?

Director: Um, that's fake snow. You're just clumsy.


	4. Chapter 4

Taking wand.

(Film 3)

Take 1: As Dan reaches around Emma to take the wand out of her pocket in the Shrieking Shack he pinches her bottom before taking the wand out. Her eyes widen as she feels it but she doesn't say anything. Rupert, on the bed at eye level sees it and acknowledges it and pulls Emma towards him so hard that she stumbles and falls onto him. She lets out a shriek as she falls and Dan stares at Rupert as though he will kill him, preferably sooner rather than later.

Director: Cut! Not so hard please Rupert.

Take 2: Dan does it again. Rupert openly glares at him for being so unsubtle. Once Cut is called Emma slaps Dan's shoulder making both boys laugh.

Take 8: Once again Dan pinches her bottom. By now Emma has had enough. Disregarding the fact that the cameras are running she turns and shoves him away from her before shouting at him for being a berk. The director comes up to him and starts shouting at him as well for ruining the takes. Rupert, who like in the films is Dan's best friend, gives him a look to say that he will have words with him later. While he is waiting for everyone to stop shouting at Dan he cleans his fingernails with his thumb.

Dan: (once everyone is finished. To Rupert.) Way to lend a hand mate.

Rupert: Meh, I try.

Dan makes a gesture like he would very much like to strangle him when the director calls Action and the gesture is caught on camera.

Hugging Dan 2

(Film 4)

Emma: Harry? Is that you?  
Dan: Yeah.  
Emma: How are you feeling? The key is to concentrate. After that, you just have to...  
Dan: Battle a dragon.

They hug. The next moment Rupert bursts into the tent yelling (in character)

Rupert: What the hell do you think you're doing?!

Dan and Emma look at him in surprise and then all of them in the tent (including Stanislav, Clemence and Robert) crack up laughing.

Dan: Classic!

In fact Dan, Rupert and Emma can't stop laughing for twenty minutes.

Kissing Harry.

(Film 4)

After the second task Emma kisses Dan on the top of the head and Rupert, just behind him, scowls and then hits Dan round the back of the head and slaps Emma gently.

His excuse is:

Rupert: It's what Ron would do.

Punching Malfoy 2

(Film 3)

Take five: As Emma punches Tom, Dan and Rupert cheer and high five each other. Tom glares at them briefly before running off. Emma turns to them.

Emma: That felt good.

Rupert: Not good, you were bloody marvellous. Just like you were last night! (winks suggestively, Dan looks disbelieving)

Then they all crack up.

Rupert: Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

Emma: Did you have to bring up last night?

Dan: It's TRUE?!

Emma: (Guilty) No.

Dan glares at her and then at Rupert.

Dan: Dude, we had a deal.

Emma: What deal?

Dan: Um, nothing.

Rupert: About you. We said I'd-

Dan quickly gets him into a headlock and marches him a little way off where Dan starts berating Rupert whilst pummelling him a little.

Tom is heard in the background sniggering. Emma sinks onto the ground laughing with a few tears rolling out. The director runs onto the set waving his arms around.

Director: Cut! Cut! Cut! Come back boys! Yes you too Felton. Let's do it again, shall we? And this time stick to the script. Kids, please keep your private lives off the screen, remember your contracts. No on screen romance! Same thing only better, please!

As the director turns and walks back to his chair the four kids stick the middle finger up at him, Rupert not even looking up from the headlock, and then the fingers disappear and they act innocent when the sniggering of the producer makes the director spin round to glare at them. The director knows full well what they have just done and does not look impressed.

Rescuing Hermione.

(Film 1)

Take one: Dan and Rupert burst into the bathroom to save Hermione from the CG troll and the doors bounce back and hit them in the faces. Rupert swears and Dan and Emma look at him in surprise, it being a new word and all.

Director: CUT! Rupert they're innocents.

Rupert: Technically so am I.

Director: Whatever.

Take three: The boys trip as they run and fall over. Emma is seen under the rubble pinching the bridge of her nose and shaking her head as though to say what idiots boys are.

Take seven: The two boys get rather tired of redoing the same shot over and over again. Dan grins before the director calls action and whispers something to Rupert…who also grins mischievously.

Director: Action!

The boys pause before

Dan: Three, two… one!

The boys burst into the room.

Dan/Rupert: Nanananananaaaaaa BATMAN! Nanananananananaaaaa BATMAN! (Batman theme song…not sure I got the right amount of na's)

Everyone bursts out laughing, even Emma trapped under some rubble is heard hooting with laughter.

Ron's Robes

(Film 4)

Take one: Rupert stands in front of the mirror examining the horrible dress robes. Dan comes in and Rupert turns to him.

Pause.

Which then becomes an even longer pause.

Dan glances at the producer, who points to Rupert and motions for him to go over to him. Dan does so and looks Rupert up and down and then looks him strait in the eye.

Dan: (Completely seriously) Go naked.

Rupert's mouth twitches as he attempts to restrain a smile.

Dan: I'm serious.

Rupert: You'd like that wouldn't you?

Dan tilts his head to one side and stares at him… and then the realisation hits him. Rupert cannot restrain himself any longer. He guffaws loudly and Dan has to laugh too.

Director: What happened?

Dan: I forgot my lines.

Rupert: Me too.

Director: That's what I thought.

Producer: Nice improv though.

Confronting Malfoy

(Film 4)

Take one: Dan marches up to Tom and then stops in front of him. He blinks rather stupidly.

Pause.

Dan: Damn! I forgot my line!

Take two: Dan marches up having checked a script.

Dan: I don't care what your father thinks, Felton. He's vile and- damn it! Not again!

Tom: You forgot your line again, didn't you?

Filch's running.

(Film 4)

Take one: David runs up the aisle during the feast and since no one knew what was going to happen…everyone laughed because he looked so ridiculous. David rolls his eyes at the hall in general and goes back to do it again.

Take two: everyone tries not to laugh and those that do try and hide it…unsuccessfully. Then Dan and Rupert ruin it and roar with laughter. David glares at them and heads back down the aisle.

Take five: David is now getting seriously out of breath, but like a true professional he runs up again. Sniggers come from hall.

David: Fuck it! I can't do this. You can get the younger actors to run up and down like idiots but in case you hadn't noticed I'm an old man.

Director: Have a rest and I'll see if we can't edit out the laughs. Lets just get the chat with

Michael and then you can rest.

Take six: David runs the last few steps up to Michael and mutters incoherently to him.

Michael: That running will make this film worth watching, you know?

Director: Cut! Take your break.

In the end it was decided to use one of the sniggering takes and reverse another one for the reverse shot and running back down the hall.

Wingardium Leviosa.

(Film 1)

Take two: Rupert's character is attempting to cast the levitation spell. Rupert starts hitting the feather with the wand and he lets go if it by accident. It flies off and hits the director in the head. Trying not to get angry with him the director picks it up and returns it to Rupert who is looking very guilty. Emma, next to him tries not to laugh at him…which is more than Dan does, he is chuckling away a few seats down from them.

Rupert: It's not funny!


End file.
